Reap What You Sow

      I just recently had a family member very bitterly respond to my lamenting of a strained relationship with another beloved family member with, "Ya reap what you sow", and then walk away from me.   It took every ounce of control not to yell at this person, "If that's the case get in fights, people would have cheated on you multiple times as you were growing into a real adult, and used your body repeatedly for self-gratification over and over.  You would have people be demeaning to you at times and be utterly disrespectful just because anger seethes".  Praise God, I held my tongue.
       I should state that the family member who "so kindly" told me I reap what I sow, is actually a rather outstanding person with a lot of character and integrity.  We all have our bad moments.  All this arose out of me cutting ties with a close blood relative.  I cut these ties out of serious ethical disagreements.  At the time I allowed my anger and hurt to dictate my tongue and instead of cutting ties in a "classy" way, I went out in a blaze of bitchiness, poured salt into the disconnect wound, and then basically set it all on fire.
        Sometimes in life we don't get re-do's.  I tend to always leave the door open to everyone for a re-do chance; not everyone functions that way.  I can't say I blame them.  Hell, I wish I could shut the door to some for eternity but despite some solid efforts, I'm just not hot-wired that way.  For some, the hurt is so much that try as we may, we cannot physically get their door to open back up.  I attempted a re-do with this relative that I figuratively set ablaze with my bitchiness; the door is closed.
        As I was left to my thoughts after the "ya reap what you sow" statement, I was left to my thoughts and sadness.  I don't think embittered we should carry a philosophy of reaping what we sow.  Imagine how sick and depraved we would all be and the twisted shit we would go through for the entirety of life we all truly reaped what we sowed?! I think we all need to lay in the bed we make at times. It's about taking responsibility; not living in a constant state of punishment for our transgressions. The truth is some things cannot be un-done.  Sometimes we have to wrestle with the moments when we lost control and did or said something regrettable.  The wrestling teaches us how to proceed.  My family member that I set ablaze with hurt was in the state and visited with other family members; my presence wasn't desired by said individual.  Does hurt and anger always deserve hurt and anger in return? Reap what you sow?  Nawe.  We are called to a much higher level of compassion and love with each other than that.  Is it my bed to lay in right now? Yeah.
       My challenge to anyone reading this is to not look at our brothers and sisters with a spirit of reap what you sow but rather one of grace and forgiveness.  This doesn't mean that what has happened is okay, but it does mean we can be bigger and God IS bigger than our hurt and blunders.  Allow God to be bigger than our faults. Choosing compassion and love can sometimes pull us outside of our ourselves.  Accept the bigger.  Live the better.

Matthew 6:9-13

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,[a]
    but deliver us from the evil one.