The missing key all these years was submersing myself into my faith. For the last 10 years I have held it loosely in my hand; always there, always close to me, but never held tight like it should be; like I need it to be. Following reading my old journal entries from college and realizing this intense longing to feel close to the faithfulness I had in college, I made some changes. I jumped back into my faith with all of my being. It was here that I rediscovered my foundation, my core.
Several weeks ago I found myself in complete silence and solitude at an Episcopal monastery. I had no access to my phone, internet, or tv. In the silence and solitude I surprisingly became aware of something beautiful and slightly unexpected; with everything stripped away, I am completely at peace with myself. It took 32 years to get there. I have to think that the strength of my faith has everything to do with it. Over time what I have learned as a result of this peace follows. I believe this peace can be achieved by all.
- Relationships do not define my importance.
- Purpose can be found and achieved apart from having children and a spouse.
- God can truly fulfill your needs and desires.
- Wholeness and happiness exists for all.
- Separation from wants and desires helps eliminate personal suffering. (Buddhist belief)
- Surrendering your will to God's allows for joy and peace to fill in the cracks.
I've discovered this and so much more. What it has done for me is open more up to a much greater capacity to love, not force things, be accepting of circumstances, and just roll with it. I no longer worry how things will work out, stress about how ends will be met, who my spouse will be, if I will have children, etc. I have faith that God will take me where I need to be. My job is to listen and then jump in with both feet.
No comments:
Post a Comment