(Gotta love Jesse from Breaking Bad)
A high school student just miles down the road from where I live shot two students and then took his own life at school today. It's easy for us to think of the kids he injured and those that will continue to suffer at his hands but let us not overlook what things had to be going on in this troubled teen's life. A youth felt anger and miserable enough to walk into his school and take his own life.
School teachers and social workers loathe this time of year. Those of us that are not directly working with folks in a human service/ education capacity may be completely clueless of the Holiday phenomenon that takes place. It's an energy that you feel building up in the schools and with clients in a social work capacity; a buzzing that gets louder and faster, as time with, or more notably, without family approaches.
The Holidays makes us keenly aware of what we have and what we don't have. We are forced by social media and Christmas cards to inadvertently compare our lives to that of our peers and family. As someone who does not have children, a house, a spouse, or family that lives close, I have been a victim of this social comparison. You sign into Facebook and see how happy everyone is. At 30, I look at my wall and see my peers, their husbands and wives along with their children all smiling with gorgeous Christmas trees. It's a magical time of year that not all get to participate in. I grew up with the magic and the golden family. This Christmas I will be spending it with my best friend in Colorado. She too is an individual where the Holidays highlight the voids more than the blessings. For the first time in my life I will be without MY WHOLE ROBINSON SIDE OF THE FAMILY!!! I've been so blessed to have that whole side with me every Christmas eve. This year feels empty and weird. This year feels like a fake Christmas.
As the educator and social worker that has felt that energy that is filled with anxiety, pain, frustration, and fear from my kids, I'm now feeling it inside myself for the first time. I'm gaining insight into my kids, their actions, and their feelings. I'm understanding just why the buzz, the behavior, occurs. Just as I've fallen into the social comparison trap, I imagine our kids in school do the same. Suzie Jane who's home life is chaotic sees what Katy Smith, who's home life is plump and beautiful is. Suzie Jane wishes she had the love and surrounding family like Katy Smith...so on and so forth.
When there is a problem, we naturally want to fix it. So, what's the solution to the Holiday buzz, social comparison, emptiness, and desperate behaviors? There is none. Be a cushion for the blow though. Exude compassion, sensitivity, patience, and extend understanding before there is a need to.
May the Lord and us be with the desperate now and not before it's too late like the kid that took his own life today.
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