Not the most chipper title I could have, eh?! This may get rambley. The intended purpose of writing my blog was to write about things that impassion me, get my intellectual gears moving a bit, and perhaps somewhere along the way, if my words fall on some ears and have some sort of affect, then even better. Sometimes icky things just need to find their way out of us. This one is me attempting to exorcise my demon.
I spend some of my time pondering if my perspective pertaining to the topic of moral fortitude is more or less formulated from my upbringing. I wonder if my expectations of folks integrity and character are solely based off the integrity and character exemplified for me growing up? I have a close friend who makes fun of me because apparently I have spoken numerous times about how, "I come from good stock". Truth is, and apparently I'm not bashful in admitting, I do come from really good stock. Despite what has been ingrained in me since I was a child, I have observed and felt the negative effects of people around me falling short of what I deem as my moral bar. I should first classify what I'm about to say by stating that I was really blessed with an amazing village. "It takes a village to raise a child." My village was marked by solid character, integrity, long and enduring marriages, and the stamina to stick to your moral guns in the midst of adversity.
My elders never exemplified for me large decision making in the wake of emotions. They were steady. Life wasn't yanked back and forth. If mom or dad were in a bad mood or arguing, we still went to all planned events. I studied (intentionally and unintentionally) my parents, their responses to each other, situations, etc. What I have witnessed over my 30 years is that marriage takes a lot of work and a lot of love. You cannot force the love, that just has to be present. You do, however, choose to do the work. That takes commitment and MORAL FORTITUDE. As it is in any family, we've had our hardships. We've had our gut-aching, tear wrenching, world spinning, hardships but one thing I have never observed was the moral fortitude, integrity, and character of my family be compromised. Please do not mistake this as we never lost our temper, shouted things in anger, slammed doors, or lost control. I'm simply referencing the stamina and decision to stick to what you know is right in the face of trouble, heartache, and hardship; staying consistent, stable, and strong.
My Mom has always said to me that I need to quit expecting people to uphold a certain level of moral integrity. After suffering from high expectations not being met by others character, she wanted to see me grow some thicker skin. As she has also always said, "Love a lot. Trust a few. Learn how to paddle your own damn canoe". #1 problem I've had in my life is trusting folks who hadn't yet earned it. Ya give them your trust and love and they end up not being what you thought. Dad has always said, "Don't expect nothin' from no one. If ya don't expect anything, ya won't be disappointed". He's a little harder than what I can be. ;)
As hurt as I have been at times, I never seem to lose my faith in people. I'm just not hot-wired that way. I am however, learning to ease into people more. Anyone can pretend to be something they are not for a given amount of time. It's life's obstacles, trials, tribulations, AND TIME, that give way to seeing who someone really is. If you have moral courage and strength in the midst of pain and adversity; no one can dispute that you really possess those qualities. Clearly, I have a personal reason for writing about this. Clearly I've been blown away by someone's inability to stay of strong character. I'm learning that my sense of morals and values are not others and for those that do not uphold the same as me, I simply need to let them tread their own path. I am powerless over other people's decisions and character. Some folks have higher standards than me and some have lower. I am just me at the end of the day and need to do what I can to continually make myself better and exemplify those things I value most.
INTEGRITY or lack there of isn't just what you present other people with. It's also what happens behind closed doors when no one is looking. It's in our thoughts, souls, actions, and words. Character and the self are what we are left with at the end of the day when we lay our heads on our pillows at night (if we're lucky enough to have them) and hear in the quiet. I always told my clients what matters the most is who you are to yourself when you lay your head down for the night. I am powerless over others decisions and character they exude. When I lay my head down at night what matters is if I am pleased with who I am before people and away. Moral fortitude instilled in me by my family is what is causes me at my most desperate of times to still exemplify integrity and most nights go to bed well pleased with who I am and what I value. Dad is right but at the same time, I don't understand when folks equipped with knowing the difference between right and wrong choose the wrong. Thanks be to God for a moral compass and somehow the strength to go where it leads!
"Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you" - H. Jackson Brown
*The foundation to the above begins before you have kids….
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