Love.

          A little over 8 months ago I wrote a post about missing the girl that I used to be.  I reflected on my days in college where my faith was the strongest.  I had my old journals to remind of that faithfulness.  I've been done with college for 10 years now.  Without a doubt I've grown, changed, evolved, at times regressed, and then grew again.  I've been twisted, broken, rebuilt, and sharpened by others, my faith, and my desires for evolving.
          The missing key all these years was submersing myself into my faith.  For the last 10 years I have held it loosely in my hand; always there, always close to me, but never held tight like it should be; like I need it to be.  Following reading my old journal entries from college and realizing this intense longing to feel close to the faithfulness I had in college, I made some changes.  I jumped back into my faith with all of my being.  It was here that I rediscovered my foundation, my core.
          Several weeks ago I found myself in complete silence and solitude at an Episcopal monastery.  I had no access to my phone, internet, or tv.  In the silence and solitude I surprisingly became aware of something beautiful and slightly unexpected; with everything stripped away, I am completely at peace with myself.  It took 32 years to get there.  I have to think that the strength of my faith has everything to do with it.  Over time what I have learned as a result of this peace follows. I believe this peace can be achieved by all.

• Relationships do not define my importance.
• Purpose can be found and achieved apart from having children and a spouse.
• God can truly fulfill your needs and desires. 
• Wholeness and happiness exists for all. 
• Separation from wants and desires helps eliminate personal suffering. (Buddhist belief)
• Surrendering your will to God's allows for joy and peace to fill in the cracks.

         I've discovered this and so much more.  What it has done for me is open more up to a much greater capacity to love, not force things, be accepting of circumstances, and just roll with it.  I no longer worry how things will work out, stress about how ends will be met, who my spouse will be, if I will have children, etc.  I have faith that God will take me where I need to be.  My job is to listen and then jump in with both feet.

I Am White and I Am Not Privileged!!!

     


          I grew up in a smaller town along the beach; by no means a backwoods village.  The folks that inhabit this town have been and have always been 99% white as white comes.  90% inhabitants of this town are rather affluent; bigger homes, boats, cottages up north, no worries of where food comes from, what name brand clothes they will buy, travel frequently, afford top notch college educations for their kids, etc. We live in a white, affluent, bubble. And you betcha! crime is low if almost unheard of!
         From what I've heard from several colleagues in this beautiful beach town, the reason why crime is almost unheard of and that we are a peaceful community is because we don't have the problem of having minorities in our community.  We work to not be very inclusive or welcoming of outsiders.   After all, who wouldn't want to maintain our quaint, cozy, safe, beach town?!  This also includes making sure we aren't very welcoming of those who practice religions outside of Christianity. We are pretty tolerable of non-believers because they don't pose a threat to the Christian principals that our city has been founded on.
       An interesting thing happened yesterday.  A friend of mine from high school posted something on Facebook in where he gave an honest attempt to apologize for posting something potentially offensive to homosexuals.  This friend is someone who I've been fond of since high school, although distant now.  I attempted to give light that using the terminology "homosexual" was derogatory and oppressive to the GLBT community.  A gentleman responded with sarcasm.  I responded with, "...said the privileged, white, straight, man".  Six WHITE men and one WHITE woman weighed in on that comment repeatedly.  All stating that being white doesn't carry any privilege.  This sadly escalated to tearing apart gay esteem and everyone stating that white and gender privilege does not exist.  All involved in this conversation are from my beloved home town.
        It wasn't until my senior year of college, (a primarily white, extremely affluent college), that I was FORCED to acknowledge my white privilege through FORCED education in a psychology class.  It was a painful process.  I grew up being open to people of different colors, so that meant I wasn't a racist (ha).  My skin color, in my head, did not give me some gold path to walk down.  Turns out, I can have no money and no education and yet still have so many privileges that non-whites do not have.  I implored those that responded with sarcasm and disdain yesterday to simply greet people with respect, speak to build others up (this is Biblical for those red, white, and blue bleeding Christians I dialogued with yesterday), act with compassion, and exude love before anything else.  I was then blasted with all sorts of awful things about me being an ignorant, hippie loving, liberal.
        So be it.  I'm very much so a moderate but if acting in the above gets me called a liberal...then I fully embrace it.  "The first shall be last and the last shall be first." - Matthew 20:16  The main article that changed my mind in college on white privilege is below.  I strongly urge ANYONE who is white to read it.

Unpacking the Knapsack of White Privilege 
By: Peggy McIntosh

http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/636447/10105735/1294338496063/Microsoft+Word+-+Unpacking+the+Knapsack+of+White+Privilege.pdf?token=CGJMykMl4i6GI1BIshRmHnXOIZ0%3D

Today No Longer Will I!

            Today is a historic day in our country.  Today is the day that the Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage NATIONWIDE.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I received a text from my girlfriend informing me of the ruling.  First feelings of absolute joy surged through my body and then tinges of fear; the first time I cried for marriage equality for myself was the day that Michigan voted to recognize same-sex marriages.  The next day it was repealed.  As tears welled up, I prayed that this wasn't a false promise of my country to me.
             Fears aside, my heart is beaming with joy! This is a huge victory for myself and personal rights but it is also a huge victory for my friends, peers, colleagues, family members, and all of the country.  Whether you benefit directly from this ruling or not, it is my belief that this country benefits as a whole.  Two hours into this ruling and my Facebook wall is drenched in updates celebrating.  My straight friends and family are celebrating as equally as my gay and lesbian friends.  I read one post that announced that after 15 years of being together, my friend and her partner are engaged! So many others that I know that have put in the hard time and effort that marriage requires, are now rejoicing in having their marriage certificates from other states be recognized in their state! We are not just celebrating a right! We are celebrating LOVE! Love in it's purest form.  It comes with dedication, hard work, perseverance, and a deep LOVE.
             Today I celebrate the institution of marriage! I celebrate the fact that no longer will my friends and I be treated as second class citizens! No longer will I have to worry about the day that I am married and can't share health benefits with my beloved or worry about retirement, lawful protection of my rights as a mother of my future children, or be concerned that my beloved or I could be hospitalized and not be able to see each other or make pivotal decisions in our care! No longer will I have to plan a trip to go marry my beloved in another state and return to ours where we are not recognized! No longer will I have to fear discrimination with work place rights! No longer will I have to be pained at the thought of my children growing up with their mothers not legally being recognized! NO LONGER WILL I BE FORCED TO BE IN PART BUT RATHER EXIST WHOLE.
            Today I celebrate the victory that I believe GOD has placed before us.  As a future Pastor, it is my desire to see the church function as Christ desires.  It is my hope to foster an environment where people can come to exist, grow, and evolve in an authentic relationship with Christ.  Though we have separation between Church and State, the two consistently intersect in our country.  No longer will the church be able to keep a comfortable quiet in this conversation.  No longer will people be able to ignore the inclusion of the GLBT community.  This is God's charge to God's people! How do we love the way that you love, God?! This will without a doubt call the church community out of its comfort zone with this conversation and force people to really reflect on this question.  This will not be an overnight fix but it is a conversation starter; and that is the best thing; to begin talking about it.
             This is an extremely pivotal time in our country.  In the wake of the Black Lives Matter movement and the racially motivated atrocity in Charleston, South Carolina, our country is being ushered into a time where we are really having to look at what EQUALITY and JUSTICE mean.  This is a huge step for human rights.  May we become a country of compassion that upholds love, respect, hard work, determination, commitment, and human dignity higher than anything else.  And in this, I believe we will, whether intentional or unintentional,  exemplify characteristics of God and be well pleasing to our Creator.
            Today, no longer will we be as divided and no longer will hate triumph over love.  Dylann Roof shot 9 people in a church in attempts at starting a race war.  Instead, what he started was an extreme awareness of the misguidance that our country can still breed and bring blacks and whites together to console each other, to live together, to journey together, and to praise God together.  The state of Indiana tried to take a stand against gay rights.  What they in turn did was highlight and ignite a country against that discrimination.  Today, our country chose basic human rights instead of fear and wrongful judgement.  Today, our country chose you and our country chose me.  I celebrate with my brothers and sisters of every kind of background today as this is not just a victory for the GLBT community, but for us all.  The institution can only be strengthen by this movement.  Thanks be to God for the direction we are heading.  I can't wait to be a part of the conversation!

A Concept of Strength

         Recently I have been reminded of the various ways individuals define strength.  Perhaps the most pointed reminder was being told that I was weak.  The reasons that I was told I was weak caused me to pause for a moment, digest, and feel grateful.  The person that said it meant it as a slam but I took it as a compliment.
         Often times life calls us to live counter intuitively.  The philosophy that "only when I am weak, then I am strong" seems backwards.  What does that even mean anyway?! If you're weak, then how can you possibly be strong?! I wrestled with this question for several years when I was first introduced to this philosophy.  In a society of go-getters, competition, hurt, abuse, and sin, the natural response is to build walls.  Strength is often times exercised in our ability to mask our hurt, our vulnerabilities, and portray ourselves as oh, so well put together.  Strength is not allowing our weaknesses to show.
          Real strength is the opposite.  Real strength is being able to live in our truth which exposes us and makes us vulnerable.  Real strength comes in turning the other cheek.  Real strength is admitting we did this wrong. Real strength is loving with God's grace when every thread in our natural being wants to fight back.

I AM WEAK

I am weak for social justice

I bend at the knees

I am weak for love

An outstretched pouring

I am weak for forgiveness

A calling too deep

I am weak for restoration

We will be restored

I am weak for what I believe in

Running through me it flows

I am weak for character and integrity

As it carries us into righteousness

I am weak for humility

Water to dry lips

Community

I am weak

Own your weaknesses and in that you will find strength. 

Reap What You Sow

      I just recently had a family member very bitterly respond to my lamenting of a strained relationship with another beloved family member with, "Ya reap what you sow", and then walk away from me.   It took every ounce of control not to yell at this person, "If that's the case get in fights, people would have cheated on you multiple times as you were growing into a real adult, and used your body repeatedly for self-gratification over and over.  You would have people be demeaning to you at times and be utterly disrespectful just because anger seethes".  Praise God, I held my tongue.
       I should state that the family member who "so kindly" told me I reap what I sow, is actually a rather outstanding person with a lot of character and integrity.  We all have our bad moments.  All this arose out of me cutting ties with a close blood relative.  I cut these ties out of serious ethical disagreements.  At the time I allowed my anger and hurt to dictate my tongue and instead of cutting ties in a "classy" way, I went out in a blaze of bitchiness, poured salt into the disconnect wound, and then basically set it all on fire.
        Sometimes in life we don't get re-do's.  I tend to always leave the door open to everyone for a re-do chance; not everyone functions that way.  I can't say I blame them.  Hell, I wish I could shut the door to some for eternity but despite some solid efforts, I'm just not hot-wired that way.  For some, the hurt is so much that try as we may, we cannot physically get their door to open back up.  I attempted a re-do with this relative that I figuratively set ablaze with my bitchiness; the door is closed.
        As I was left to my thoughts after the "ya reap what you sow" statement, I was left to my thoughts and sadness.  I don't think embittered we should carry a philosophy of reaping what we sow.  Imagine how sick and depraved we would all be and the twisted shit we would go through for the entirety of life we all truly reaped what we sowed?! I think we all need to lay in the bed we make at times. It's about taking responsibility; not living in a constant state of punishment for our transgressions. The truth is some things cannot be un-done.  Sometimes we have to wrestle with the moments when we lost control and did or said something regrettable.  The wrestling teaches us how to proceed.  My family member that I set ablaze with hurt was in the state and visited with other family members; my presence wasn't desired by said individual.  Does hurt and anger always deserve hurt and anger in return? Reap what you sow?  Nawe.  We are called to a much higher level of compassion and love with each other than that.  Is it my bed to lay in right now? Yeah.
       My challenge to anyone reading this is to not look at our brothers and sisters with a spirit of reap what you sow but rather one of grace and forgiveness.  This doesn't mean that what has happened is okay, but it does mean we can be bigger and God IS bigger than our hurt and blunders.  Allow God to be bigger than our faults. Choosing compassion and love can sometimes pull us outside of our ourselves.  Accept the bigger.  Live the better.

Matthew 6:9-13

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,[a]
    but deliver us from the evil one.

Lesbian Bearing a Cross

         When I was 21 my first girlfriend landed in my lap.  I had dated guys long-term up until that point.  If ever a gay thought had come into my head before then, I would push it out just as quickly as it arrived and in my head, for all purposes, it never existed.  When I was 21 and finding myself expressing deep "friendship" feelings towards my female friend, I was a Religion major at a Reformed Church of America affiliated college; Hope College.  My beloved, adored college was filled with believers that were raised to believe homosexuality was a sin.  Professors wouldn't dare speak anything different unless they were tenured and even then, they did so timidly.  After all, Hope is a private college and a lot of funding comes from Alum who adore Doc Dobson and Focusing on His Family of preservers of the sanctity of marriage and procreation.  If Hope doesn't Focus on THAT Family, funding gets pulled.
          When my first girlfriend Michelle and I started to acknowledge our romantic love and act on it there was a prevailing thought that we were just gay for each other.  After all, she had never thought about being with a woman before me and neither had I...really.  I enjoyed my intimate relationships with guys and therefore had no reason to think that I had some special affinity women.  During our time together as a couple I was a senior in my RELIGION major at Hope.  I had every intention of heading into the ministry prior to this beautiful thing that landed in my lap.  I researched Divinity Schools and even visited one in New Jersey to see if it appealed to me.  I spent my undergrad praying with my friends, having countless late nights of deep, philosophical, theological, conversations with my devout, deeply loved peers.
            Coming out to my "brothers and sisters" in Christ was terrifying.  Rejection was real.  I was a prayerful, charismatic, leader in the church and with my friends.  How could Jess Robinson be gay and be close to God?! It's unthinkable isn't it?! And my beloved friends and sisters and brothers in Christ treated me that way.  I was no longer the believer that had a tuned ear towards God.  I was lost and gay. During this time of thinking I was just Michelle gay, I was unapologetic for who I was.  I wasn't a freedom fighter or someone who shoved my relationship in anyones face.  I did, however, disagree with my peers who "prayed for my soul".  I always had a sense that God loved me and formed me just the way I was.  At this time, in my pain and rejection, I felt no matter what the definition of my sexuality was, that my "deviation" was somehow my cross to bear.
             People have always known me.  I've been transparent and very sociable. I've always been likable. I'm caring and put others first (to my own detriment at times).  But this happened and overnight I was asked to step down from my youth leadership position, my Christian friends pulled back from me, my beloved parents argued with my identity for several years, and with a 50 foot pole, church members and friends prayed for me to see the way.  My cross to bear. 
           I'm almost 11 years into this "deviant" way of being true to myself.  I've been out of the closet since 3 months after my first girlfriend fell in my lap.  I've not hidden nor desire to hide.  If you don't have to live in shame for being straight, why should I? I've met my friends oppositions and fears.  I've lost friends.  I've had friends keep a safe distance.  I've had family members leave me.  I've had churches close the doors to me.   There are so many hardships that come along with what people label a "lifestyle".  It is not chosen.  I am not a champion and do not desire to conquer the ill advised thoughts of those that still want to pray for my sexuality.  I just simply want to exist, as I was up until I was 21; Jess Robinson.  That's all that I am; me.  Other people can fight the legal system.  Other people can champion the fight for such a stupid word as INCLUSION in the church.  (I shouldn't have to find an inclusive church.  Jesus didn't have a checklist...why do we?!)
          I just interviewed at a fine Christian institution that I would I practically give my left arm to work at.  I interviewed for a position in their ministry department.  I've got the passion, the knowledge, the love, the experience, and God but fear I'll be ushered into the closet with a gold carpet (as not to offend me) if I get the job.  I spent only 3 months in the closet;  I can't and won't go back.  Every time I've told God I don't want to do something, He has called me to otherwise.  My cross to bear. 
           Since moving back to Michigan I've only attended my home church 3 times because it's a Reformed Church of America/ Christian Reformed Church split.  AKA leave the gay at the door.  I've attended an Episcopal church once; not my flavor. I fantasized about rolling my eye ball down the isle during the homily and imagining peoples reactions. I've tried being Catholic a handful of times; a fantasized about sword fighting with an umbrella at the last mass I attended.  (Don't judge me for where my mind wandered.)  The point is, my heart is with the RCA/CRC churches.  Sadly, they are not with me.  So, I've been a solo artist.  I spend my spiritual time alone.  I sure do miss the community that comes with church though and the insight that comes from Bible studies and sermons.
            Jesus hung on a cross for you and me.  He carried the cross of which he was to be hanged on through the streets and was accosted by disbelievers.  He was accosted by people like you and me.  I carried my cross through my senior year of college and dropped it afterwards because the weight was too heavy. I just wanted to live as comfortably as possible; just be me. But I am not just me.  I will never be just me.  I am a part of a marginalized, beloved, population that Jesus loves nor calls us out of.   Perhaps we all have our crosses to bear for the good of the Kingdom.  A cross can't be light and the plight of travel is never easy.  God calls us to get out of the boat.  God never listens to my ideas that don't require courage or trust.  I think it's time for me to pick up my cross that I dropped so long ago and bear it.  

To: The Girl I Used To Be

      From time to time I find myself turning the pages of old journals from my senior year of high school and college.   I read bits of wisdom from a girl that it is much younger than I.  She is so full of passion, enthusiasm for the world and God's children, and focused grace.  Her knowledge of scripture is admirable and contagious.  Her thirst for doing God's work would lead anyone to want to do more.  Her honesty about herself and shortcomings is a transparency that most wish they had the courage to behold. I long to be close to that person. She is me, but we are no longer the same. 

     It is not unheard of for a college graduate to enter into the world with such zeal and optimism.  It's also not unheard of for a person like that to lose ample amounts of steam over years.  The disconnect between my former self and present day Jess started to occur subconsciously while I was still in college.  It began with being asked to step down from my youth ministry leadership position within the church for being in a gay relationship.  I was unapologetic for my love and therefore, the church was unapologetic to me.  I was determined not to allow it to get to me.  I ministered to many people about the difference between God's love and the examples led by God's children.  I encouraged my fellow gay brothers and sisters in Christ not to lose heart for God despite deficiencies and hypocrisies  held within the church.  I felt led by the Spirit to do and say such things.  I was in the throws of a gay pain melding pot and kept heart; or so I thought. 

      When you're forced to recognize your marginalized status over and over again, you can't help but absorb some of the messages of the majority.  When one loves God so but is spiritually abused by the church in such ways, one cannot help but grow a thicker skin.  The overarching tunes that many of my peers, church colleagues, and some family played were that of...

• You can't be in ministry and be gay
• You can no longer have a close relationship with God
• We can no longer be "sisters in Christ" because you must not know him anymore
• You are a mistake
• You are wrong
• You are LESS than
• You must change
• You must change
• You must change

      Thick skin or no skin, the messages seep in.  Spirit led and/or Spirit filled, some of the spiritual vigor is lost to closed doors.  I read those journal entry's of that Godly young woman and I miss her.  She had a finely tuned ear to the Divine and a sense of un-tattered innocence in her strength and knowledge of self.  She didn't know that the plight of a people group was about to be her own.  As I look back with my worldly wisdom, slightly jaded, I am reminded that I am not the only one missing something; I know that young woman misses me too. 

Do As I Say, Not As I Do; The Art Of Hypocrisy

      We've all been there.  That spot where we instruct those around us to do or perform in a certain manner that is contrary to what we actually practice.  If we tell people to do the "right" way, why is it so hard for us to follow our own words?
       I've recently come in contact with the most blaring hypocrite I've personally known.  Life has forced me to have my life aligned with this individual.  There appears to be no awareness, or guilt of the continued hypocrisy.  This individuals actions and words continue to never match.  It's rather stunning to witness this disconnect.  The outcome of this continued presence in my life has not just been my own bafflement but the need for me to examine my own hypocrisy.

      

   "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" - Matthew 7:3

         For the last 13 years I have been in one position or another of leadership.  This has come in the form of ministry, educating, social-work, mentoring, coaching, various forms of community involvement, and working as a supervisor.  My life has taken on positions of leadership where I counsel people in morality and ethics.  It's easy for me to counsel people in the direction of right and wrong.  At times it is difficult for me to do as I say.  

         I preach self-love and self-care, yet I rarely give it to myself.  I call those around me to extend grace and forgiveness to themselves but rarely extend mercy within.  I encourage people to follow their passions and dreams, yet, have allowed myself to be grounded to circumstances. I advocate for balance and moderation, yet go to extremes with myself. The list goes on....

       My patience runs thin with the said hypocrite in my life.  I'm always stunned at this individuals ability to move through life constantly contradicting their own words.  Instead of letting this fuel anger inside myself, I'm choosing to let it fuel change within.  I need to focus on the plank in my eye.  Let us become better by the people that challenge us and consider, what is the plank in my eye. 

          

   

When Trust Is Lost

      I still like to fancy myself rather young.  In the spirit of newness to this world, I acknowledge that I haven't experienced a ton of things, although I have a foundation of understanding at this point to lay my feet upon.  In earlier posts I've managed to take some not so beautiful things and flip them into something beautiful; something growing, enlightening, and meaningful.  But what happens when we find ourselves in the midst of something that no words of wisdom, scripture, logic, or even anger can answer?  Are we less because we fail to find some spunky reason or comfort in the midst of our heartache and angst?
      I battle between my 'Christian" understanding and value of things and just sheer bafflement at how human beings can be so god damn depraved of character and values.  I'm going to do my best at setting aside my theological beliefs for a moment because at this time, and a time that many experience, they hold no baring on the gut wrenching feeling we can experience at times.

When we love someone, what do we do when the shades are pulled and we see a character that we wouldn't choose to love?  What do we do when we've been scorned and trust is lost?

      Well, if you've been in an intimate relationship of any sort for a long duration of time; ya probably work it out (at least that's what's been exemplified for me).  If you are finding yourself in this spot with someone that you haven't had a close relationship for a long amount of time; you have to dig deep within.  I mean, we all do, but even more so as a single individual.  We need to examine how we got to be so close with someone that was able to pull the rose colored blinds over our eyes so well.
       It's not in my nature to leave things uninspired, and fueled with energy, and purpose.  It's just not.  I'm actively fighting not to do so right now out of sheer habit.  The truth is, some people hurt us. Some people don't see us.  We get trampled on.  We dust ourselves off, or least try to, and we move on.  We have to, because what's our other option?

      When trust is lost due to someone's actions, we have to look closely at ourselves and ask, why was I here in the first place?

Spera In Deo; Hope In God

       For the first time in many years, I walked around Hope College's campus with a book bag around my shoulder.  Snow was on the ground and as the students passed by me their breath was expended into the atmosphere.  Everything was very different about me walking campus this time.  This time I was an outsider (to the students).  I was a lady and not a girl.  I was observant of their interactions.  Some were laughing. Some were holding in depth conversations.  Some were trudging through the slush filled walkways holding hands of what they probably believed or hoped to be their future spouse.  There was magic.  There was Hope.
      I had time to travel through some of the buildings that hold my heart so close.  Eight years have passed since I've wandered those hallways, auditoriums, used the secret restrooms and corridors as to avoid an abundance of traffic.  I still know some navigating tricks for campus. The students look so young to me.  I referred to them earlier in the day to a collegue as "the kids".  I shocked myself a bit with that statement.  Kids...
      I imagine there a certain magic present on any college campus.  Young adults soaking in knowledge and developing into their own individualistic ideals and personhood; it's an environment unlike any other.  I do think there is a certain quality about Hope College that makes that entity stand out amongst the rest; SPERA IN DEO; a spirit of hope in God.
      I was a bad student while I attended Hope.  I focused the majority of my energies on deep, philosophical, and theological conversations with my peers, softball, and the youth ministry I was involved in.  Though I did not place my efforts into my grades like I should have, I did absorb and crave every ounce of character development that the atmosphere at Hope had to offer.  I entered into the world post-grad with one of the best things I could have; firm knowledge of who was and am.  The last 10 years since graduation have been filled with challenges; ups and downs.  I have had a plethora of professional experiences that have opened my eyes to humanity and the world in which we inhabit.  I've loved. I've been crushed.  I've faced some barriers that looked like mountains that I would never be able to summit.  I've felt defeated but never hopeless. SPERA IN DEO.
      So why was I wandering around the familiar but ever evolving campus that I love the other day?  Despite my lack of focus on my studies at Hope, despite some of my personal war stories, I was highlighted as the Arts and Humanities featured alumna for 2015 for their Arts and Humanities Day.  I was asked to come and speak to Arts and Humanities students because of my degree in Religion and my work over the last 10 years.
      I had a very beloved person in my life ask me the other day if I thought God had forgotten about her.  She has been disillusioned with the Christian religion for many years.  The weight of the question that has plagued her for so long wore on her face in that moment.  I told her that God never forgets us.  It can feel like He's left us for a period of time but we are never forgotten.  I told her that at my most distant and lowest times in my faith walk, God has ironically used me the most.  The times I felt the most worthless, He reminds me that I am somebody to Him.
      10 years ago if someone would have told me that I would be a featured alumna and speaking to students at Hope regularly because of my professional accomplishments and passions, I would have told them they were drunk and to go home! 2 years ago I would have said, "Don't screw with me. You're insane".  1 year ago I would have said, "I'm not useful.  I not someone that could be something like that even if I was given the chance".  SPERA IN DEO.
      Those seemingly impossible mountains were summited and not on my own accord.  God never forgot about me.  When we place our Hope in God, when we are able to look beyond ourselves to our Greater Power, we can do seemingly impossible things.  One of the most amazing and wonderful things I've been able to do in my life is give back to Hope College, in part, what they gave me.  May we all hope in God and know and feel that we are never forgotten.

            SPERA IN DEO.